Posted by Laurie Crowley on
January 23, 2012 12:51
I want people to ask me about my upcoming wedding. It’s a super big deal in my life, and I love talking
about it. The thing is tho, not everyone asks about it. Now I don’t expect people to ask me non-stop about this occasion, however, if we haven’t talked in awhile, then yes, I do expect them to ask. Nor do I expect someone to ask in passing. However, if we are spending an extended amount of time together, then again, yes, I expect them to ask!
Scenario 1 - I’m out to dinner with some friends. I haven’t seen them in months. They didn’t ask one
question about the wedding. Not one! No wedding talk was made. I left thinking, “Wow, that’s kinda
weird...don’t they care?”
Scenario 2 - Another dinner scene, but this time with friends we see quite often. They already know most of the wedding details. However, they had gone away for 5 days and upon their return, they wanted to make sure they didn’t miss anything. They pumped us for wedding updates and info all thru dinner.
Scenario 3 - My friend had a baby. It took me a few weeks to visit her, but visit her I did. I wanted to know
all about her new life as a mommy. I wanted to know how the baby sleeps, and what sort of adjustment it
has been for her, the new mom. I wanted to know what her plan was for going back to work. I wanted to
know about her workout schedule now, and how her husband is with the baby. I wanted to know so I
asked. I could barely get my questions in tho, because she was asking all about the wedding and my
plans.
Scenario 4 - I was getting a pedicure with a teenager, to be followed by Starbucks. We sat during that
pedicure chatting away. I wanted updates on school and dance. She wanted updates on the wedding and what sort of stuff we were doing or were contemplating. I even got to show her pictures of the dresses I tried on!
Scenario 5 - I visited with some friends I haven’t spent time with in quite awhile. I actually went to their
home and stayed for a couple hours. We talked about all sorts of things...all sorts of things except the
wedding that is. They never asked about it, never even mentioned it. I must admit, I was definitely
surprised by that, maybe even a little hurt by it.
Now I know I’m not supposed to place expectations on others so I’m really just setting myself up for
disappointment when I do. My fiance also reminded me that maybe some people don’t want to bombard us with questions, thinking we already get a ton of that and might want a break. Good point. But hey, we all love talking about ourselves and what is important to us. I’ll talk to you all day long about my wedding, my nephew and coaching. You can bank on this: people like talking about themselves and about what matters to them. And boy do I feel loved when someone specifically asks me and wants details on my life.
It just really conveys to me that they care, they really care!
So it dawned on me...if this means that much to me, how much do I show others I care about their
lives??? Do I ask them what is going on? I’m not talking about the superficial, surface stuff here. I’m not
talking about that “Hey how are you?” as you walk by, not even waiting for an answer. I’m talking about
something a bit deeper, a bit more intentional.
Here’s where it really dawned on me: my friend’s daughter had to have emergency surgery. She even
texted me, asking for prayer. The next time I saw my friend tho, I didn’t even ask how things were! Can
you believe that?!?!?! I didn’t even ask about the surgery or how her daughter was doing! Yet I’m
bummed when a friend doesn’t ask about my wedding plans??? Lesson learned. If I want people to ask
about my life then I better ask about their’s. Showing you care sometimes simply means pausing to ask and listen. The next time I saw my friend I made sure to ask about her daughter.
When’s the last time you paused to ask and listen? When’s the last time you were intentional to really find out what was happening in a friend’s life? When was the last time you stopped talking about yourself and let someone else share instead? I bet if you do, they will know you care; they will feel loved; and you might just might even get some extra insight into their life. My lesson has been learned. How about you?